Showing posts with label Best managed country in the world. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Best managed country in the world. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

New Top 10 Reasons why Mauritius IS the Best Managed Country in the World

No. 10. “Soit li ‘carry on’ dans la serenite, soit li pran so decision… d’ici la fin la semaine” – but no ultimatum was given – and everyone in the cabinet had an intellect level with known limits, except one.

No. 9. “Ca ministere-la ti capave faire 10 fois, 100 fois plis” – Does it not mean that the PM is satisfied between 1% and 10% by the work carried out by this particular ministry? Can we please have his level of satisfaction for the other ministries?

No. 8. “Zotte mange dans ene l’assiette et zotte faire malpropre dans ca meme l’assiette-la...” -- Surgeon General’s warning: Adding more terms to this sequence or reversing its order may cause serious damage to your health. Please do not try this at home without adult supervision.

No. 7. Dragons to replace koalas as the world’s cutest animals. And Mauritius subscribes to the one-koala policy.

No. 6. In an unconfirmed report, there are apparently plans for Le Reduit to be transformed into a giant nursery to recoup the cost of the renovation.

No. 5. 2 ships bang into one another in the harbour and you learn about it from the Prime Minister and neither from our coast guards nor port master – and people have the nerve to say that our institutions are not working!!!

No. 4. “Chef d’oeuvre de budget” to be hung at the Louvre instead of La Joconde.

No. 3. “The Medpoint accord was crafted in the interest of the country” – No kidding, I thought it was crafted in the interest of 3 people with 2 from the same family.

No. 2. The nation is divided as to whether the PM would disguise himself as a drag queen if he were to be invited to an evening hosted by the local gay community.

And the No. 1 reason why Mauritius is the best managed country in the world is

No. 1. July. This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months for Mr. Berenger to organise General Elections. The others are June, January, September, April, November, May, March, October, December, August and February – with apologies from Mark Twain.

This was written end of May 2005. Recall that there were general elections the following July 3rd. You will need to beam yourself back to this period to understand a few of the reasons. Don't think this ever got published.

10 More Reasons why Mauritius IS the Best Managed Country in the World

No. 10. We are very aware that the last Mega-Tsunami occurred next door (Reunion Island) some 4,000 years ago.

No. 9. It’s OK to learn about cyclones on TV or Radio – it’s definitely not to learn about deadly Tsunamis from CNN.

No. 8. The SIDS conference took place as initially planned between August 30th and September 3rd 2004.

No. 7. The first three (militant?) budgets of the current government were unfortunately not understood by many because the presentations were not subtitled.

No. 6. Smart ideas and vision replaced by hollow statements such as “mood ek ambiance extraaaaaaaaaordinaire”.

No. 5. Meritocracy has been replaced by something way better – Mediocracy.

No. 4. Stray dogs are helping as much as they can with takeoffs and landings at Plaisance Airport.

No. 3. Traffic towards Port-Louis was wonderfully fluid (especially if you don’t have a TV/DVD in your car) on the first day of the SIDS conference. It’s however a mystery to many why school resumption was postponed by a whole week.

No. 2. “Riot panne fer pu donne biberon”. Ok fine. What about changing diapers?

And the No. 1 reason why Mauritius is the best managed country in the world is

No. 1. According to an unconfirmed report the endangered species have suggested that the controversial highway go through the nonsense hub (a recently renovated building in Port-Louis) instead. It has not yet been determined what percentage of these species are fanatics.

This was actually written in January 2005 which was a mere couple of weeks after the deadly South Asian Tsunami. You can forget about this fact if you want to feel as if you just ate funny mushrooms. Click the "Best managed country in the world" label for more context.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Another Top 10 Reasons Why Mauritius Was the Best Managed Country in the World With Berenger as PM

No. 10. It is no more the sole prerogative of the Prime Minister to pick a new minister in our 'Eastministerian' system of government.

No. 9. We have the number one spot in the SADC World as far as representation of women in parliament goes.

No. 8. The unemployment rate has gone way down since our leader maximo was seen touring in a Rolls Royce in the Persian Gulf.

No. 7. Few hours after the Grand-Baie explosion, the PM was seen inside the wrecked building and... without a helmet. (So this is what they call hard-headed?)

No. 6. Estimates of unemployment ranged between 11,809 and 54,400 at one time and at least 2 people know every unemployed person personally.

No. 5. TV signal not received by a chunk of the population for a few days because the Ebene Tower unexpectedly got in the signal's way. Opinions diverge whether the Milau Viaduct is higher.

No. 4. Endemic forest and endangered species have some nerve in getting in the way of a more than carefully thought out highway project in the south east of the island.

No. 3. We don't appear in the first 10 best countries to live in 2005 according to the Economist Intelligence Unit's Quality of Life Index. In fact, we don't appear in the first 40 best places to live in next year.

No. 2. The % of fanatics who believe everything that the Leader of the Opposition says has been (scientifically?) measured at 10-15%. Has the % of fanatics who don't believe everything that the Prime Minister says also been measured? Will we ever find out which group of fanatics recently sent a representative of the no. 7 riding to Parliament?

And the No. 1 reason why Mauritius is the best managed country in the world is 

No. 1. "There is a price to pay for development." -- No kidding? And the price to pay for outright stupidity?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Why Mauritius Was the Best Managed Country in the World With Berenger as PM

No. 10. Wait till we hear the reason why expensive sports coupes have been purchased for the SIDS conference. Will 20% of the revenue shortfall be footed by senior citizens?

No. 9. We won’t send Buckland and Milazar to represent us in the 100m dash and quarter-miler anymore – we’ll send 2 folks that live closest to the airport as measured by the GPS.

No. 8. Dead bodies of stray dogs have to be routinely avoided on our motorways and main road arteries.

No. 7. An economy that was in the doldrums in the morning is made to roar back with a vengeance in the afternoon. The same economy is pronounced lifeless the following morning.

No. 6. We lose a number of spots in several competitiveness and corruption rankings year after year - Management Guru, Tom Peters is definitely nuts to say that perception IS reality.

No. 5. The response to soaring unemployment has been to change the way it is computed.

No. 4. The two oil shocks of the 1970’s and the Volcker deflation never happened - revisionists are having a ball!

No. 3. Actual bye-election results are not as good as opinion polls.

No. 2. A very strong link between an ethnic wardrobe and delivery of a stellar economic performance has been established. The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences may be missing something here.

And the No. 1 reason why Mauritius is the best managed country in the world is 

No. 1. Nobody in his right mind would say so!