Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Mauritius at 50: Getting Ready

Here are some of the things we should do:

1. Bring basic -- very basic -- management back. Like building another reservoir so we can catch more of all the water that falls on our head every year. And of course put more money into fixing leaking pipes. Instead of squandering billions into building new offices because one Minister wants more legroom.

2. Have an A380 fly over Champ de Mars at noon sharp. The peculiar thing about this plane is that it would not have any name. Only a few digits. 12.3.68.

3. New national logo and tagline. Which recognise that we can have the world's best air quality. This will help improve our management. Ask Southwest Airlines.

4. Significantly reduce the 450 amputations that are done every year. We could start by immediately taxing soft drinks more and increasing the number of weekly PE classes in our schools to three. Redesigning the curriculum with the 9-amputations-a-week statistic in mind and by going for noncumulative semesters will also produce a better learning experience. And say goodbye to obese parrots.

5. Reinstate progressive taxation so we grow faster again. And allow us to be more mindful.

6. Tweak our electoral system in a thoughtful way. Without introducing a dose of PR and the dangerous party lists that come with it. A few hysterical Marxists who want to do "autogestion" with our iPhone of constitution won't like it. But that won't prevent us from sleeping tight.

7. Allow kreol as an option in which debates in Parliament can happen. That's the language more than 8 out 10 Mauritians speak at home. Lalit can provide an initial list of unparliamentary words or add an entry on Wikipedia.

8. Schedule Zurnal Televize (ZT) on the first channel at 19h30. Have one reporter posted in each of these three cities: San Francisco, London and Tokyo to help cure navel-gazing.

9. Merge the CWA and CEB into a superutility. To protect us from severe Ministerial delusions. And to go back to our interesting 1996 carbon footprint.

Saving the rest for Mauritius at 500.

9 comments:

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

Did I read correctly that the number of surgery related to coronary diseases has more than doubled in the last four years and that the age of patients has decreased by a couple of decades over the same period?

akagugo said...

Uh, wait, what?
I'm sorry I was distracted by:
- death toll on our roads already reaching 55!
- diabetes now reaching toddlers too!
- more than 50% of births are enabled by cesarean section!
- most babies are born underweight!
- most of our vegetables come with a overdose of pesticides!
- most of our energy sources are from non-renewable sources!
- everyone has forgotten about Bagatelle Dam and Riviere des Anguilles Dam: both China-funded (and therefore only Chinese contractors tendering by virtue of tied aid provisions, which by the way, is not allowed as per the Paris Convention to which we are a signatory), with colossal budget overruns, but hush... Speaking about under-funded investigations compounded by calamitous design and horrendous execution with absent-minded supervision, they seem to keep accumulating over the years (Ring Road and Terre Rouge-Verdun)

But all will go well when India-funded Heritage City springs from the ground! Who cares about the impact on the existing road network, water demand or electricity demand (to name a very few)? Everything will be well with Heritage City, and its cohort of 'smart cities'! Just kiss the hand that feeds us, and all will be fine...

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

So, within 2-3 years underweight babies become overweight?

Hand that feeds us is a nice song by NIN.

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

Moris Dime? Thanks, but no thanks to competitive depreciation and other rubbish.

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

More crap to try to distract us: water is apparently too cheap in Mauritius. As if we buy only water. Is the guy aware of the 1 trillion-rupee GDP gap? Probably not. So the blabber will go on for quite some time. A lot like they had Stiglitz over here to tell us that things were going so well in Mauritius. Before Basu chipped in.

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

Was that a coincidence now that we know that government has decided to go ahead with the recommendations of the water sector reform report of the world bank? It should make this report public for a start and in the meantime Collendavelloo should resign.

akagugo said...

Water, then electricity: overcompensating his sleepiness big time, eh?

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

The guy's been a total disaster. And very arrogant too. Should return to his practice. Or go take an extended nap. PJ should sack him. He can appoint just about anybody or anything. Chihuahua included.

Sanjay Jagatsingh said...

Is this index correlated with anything useful??? And here's a slogan for you: 5% for 50 years :) and wait for 80 years to get the 8%???